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Sunday, February 22, 2009 TITLE: Welcome To The Wedding Feast TEXT: Revelation 19:5-10
OPEN: Weddings are times of excitement and great celebration. And different cultures have different ways of celebrating their marriages.
In Bulgaria – the bride tosses a dish filled with wheat, coins and a raw egg over her head. If the dish breaks it signifies good luck to come. African weddings often involve wine, wheat, pepper, salt, honey, bitter herbs, water, a pot and spoon, a broom, a spear, a shield, and a copy of the Bible. Each one represents a different aspect of the love and strength which unites two families. In the Caribbean it’s customary for the mother of the bride to make and then pass on the recipe for the wedding cake called the "Black Cake." The basic ingredients include a dozen fresh eggs, a # of flour, a # of brown sugar, a # of butter, and a # of glazed cherries, raisins, prunes, currants.
Each of those customs represents the value/importance that culture sees in marriage Marriage is seen as one of the greatest events in their lives
And that’s the very imagery God wants to place in our minds here in Revelation 19
When Jesus comes again, there’s going to be a great wedding feastIt’s going to be one of the greatest events in our lives. 1000s upon 1000s of people and angels will gathered in a great celebration Folks will be all dressed up in the finest of clothing. There’s going to be a lot of shouting and singing and rejoicing And the excitement will seemingly never end
God loves marriage God created marriage for us God performed the first marriage in the garden with Adam and Eve And God uses the idea of marriage to explain His relationship w/ us in church
In Ephesians 5 Paul explains how Christian husbands and wives should treat each other. Then he writes: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery— but I am talking about Christ and the church. Eph 5:31-32
Even when Paul (guided by the Spirit of God) – even when he’s talking about physical marriage.. … he can’t avoid explaining the more powerful application of this ceremony. Jesus is the groom … and the church is His bride
When Jesus comes again, He’s going to bring us as His bride into His father’s house. And then we’re going to live with Him forever.
It’s the ultimate Cinderella story And all of the old fairy tales about Prince Charming and his bride… … couldn’t even begin - compare w/what we’re going to experience at 2nd coming And so – here in Revelation 19, God is trying to get us to see…… that when Jesus comes again, and this great wedding feast takes place.It’s going to be one of the greatest events in our lives. NOTHING we’ve ever known will even begin to compare w/ what we’ll experience
(pause) But then – here in Revelation 19 – we see the oddest thing John is so overwhelmed by what he sees, that he starts to bow down at the feet of the angel
In Revelation
19:10 John tells us But he said to me, "Do not do it! I am a fellow servant with you and with your brothers who hold to the testimony of Jesus. Worship God!...”
What had happened? Why had John done this? Why – in the middle of observing this great wedding feast… … why would John bow down and begin to worship this angel.
Well… John got distracted. He saw all the festivities – the crowds, the excitement, the celestial celebration … and he just figured the angel was part of the deal And since he couldn’t bow down to God at that moment… … he decided to settle for the next best thing.
The next best thing (pause) You know… that’s not that unusual for people to do that. There are lots of folks who are willing to settle for the next best thing. They even do it with marriage.
ILLUS: According to my research – in the United States of America– The marriage rate has declined almost 20% from 1995 thru 2005 The same study found that the # of couples “living together” went up 10 fold from 500,000 in 1970 to 5 million today. The National Marriage Project reported by The Pastor’s Weekly Briefing 6/13/08
Another study (done on-line by AOL and Zogby) found that Nearly half of their respondents (44%) between the ages of 20 and 69 said they didn't need marriage to validate their relationships. And a majority of those in their 30s (73%) said they would prefer to live together before marriage. an online survey by AOL Personals and Zogby International taken in November 2007
More and more people in our nation are settling for the next best thing to marriage They decide – instead of marriage - LIVE TOGETHER.
And you can understand some of the appeal According to David R. Gudgel, author of Before You Live Together…. Ok… But does that work? Does the Next Best Thing create the happiness & excitement that just waiting for marriage gives No…. but substitutes for God’s will and way in our lives never do.
ILLUS: A recent study by the Penn State University interviewed 92 couples found In general, those who lived together before marriage were
--http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20020215/hl_nm/living_1&cid=594
ILLUS: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, found that 70 % of those who… … lived together for at least five years did eventually walk down the aisle. But these marriages were also more likely to break up. After 10 years, 40 percent of couples that had lived together before marriage had broken up. That’s a higher % of divorce than those who didn’t live together 1st experienced. msn.com July 24, 2002
Wade Horn, a marriage expert at the Department of Health and Human Services explains: “When living together the attitude is “I vow to stay together with you as long as you make me happy.” In a marriage, people focus on making their partners happy. If you’re used to viewing being together as a test of the other person’s ability to… … take care of your needs, once you get married it’s hard to just switch that.”
ILLUS: Back in 1998, a woman named Mary Roach wrote this in magazine Health quoted in Digest12/98 p. 162ff I used to balk at the idea of life-long fidelity. But what did I gain for my freedom of living with a man for 13 years? The heart leaping off a cliff and flying through the air. And shortly thereafter, hitting the ground. Heart pulp. Guilt and regret. The knowledge that by refusing to commit myself to a relationship, I destroyed it. Something I failed to grasp is that all marriages are group marriages. I am marrying a man; his delightful, beautiful children; his warm, welcoming parents… … his sister; his cousins; their families. A whole clan of hearts and minds that wants me to sign on. What could be more wonderful. Would I belong if we simply lived together? Past experience says, not really. To share a house with someone but not marry sends a message – to him, to our families, to everyone. It says, I love this man, but I’m not sure he is it. That’s a message I don’t wish to send anymore. Of course, no marriage comes with guarantees. But you have to go into it believing… that this is it, for better and worse… … for richer and poorer, liver spots and arthritis. If you do this, the what-ifs of divorce are moot.
Now, in Bible God uses terms = fornication, immorality, impurity to describe “living together. He doesn’t tell use statistics or personal testimonies to explain why it’s wrong. He just tells us – don’t do that! Don’t bow down at the altar of convenience Don’t substitute something that SOUNDS good for something that actually IS good
God created us in His image He knows how we function… He knows what will work for us And He knows what can help us/ and what can hurt us.
So - for the Christian - God simply says: Do you trust Me enough to follow my commands Do you LOVE Me enough to honor marriage and keep it pure?
In Jeremiah 29:11 God declares “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” If we love God and trust Him enough to obey Him… … we don’t really need the statistics and personal testimonies (nice to know) ALL we need is to understand is – when we obey God He blesses us.
DON’T ACCEPT SUBSTITUTES In Revelation 19 John almost accepted a substitute for the real thing And in marriage people often accept a substitute for the real thing Don’t do it – it doesn’t work.
It doesn’t work on earth… and it won’t work in heaven.
CLOSE: At the close of the book of Revelation, we’re shown this great wedding celebration God wants to impress upon us the fact that when Jesus comes again… … yeah there’s going to be a time of judgment for those who have accepted substitutes … BUT for those of us who refused to settle for anything less than God’s best … we’ve been invited to exciting gathering of God’s people NOTHING we’ve ever known will even begin to compare w/ what we’ll experience
But the question now for you… Do you have an invitation? Are you sure you’re going to get in the door? OR have you accepted a substitute for doing things God’s way?
ILLUS: In his book 50 Days of Heaven Randy Alcorn (p. 23) tells of a friend of his: Her name was Ruthanna Metzgar. She’s a professional singer … … and she was asked to sing at the wedding of a very wealthy man. The wedding reception was to be held on top 2 floors - Seattle’s tallest skyscraper Columbia Twr
At the start of the reception, bride & groom approached… … a beautiful glass and brass staircase that led to the top floor. Someone ceremoniously cut a satin ribbon draped across the bottom of the stairs… … and the bride and groom ascended, followed by their guests. At the top of the stairs, outside the door to the great banquet room…… the maitre d’ stood holding a bound book. “May I have your name please?” he asked “I’m Ruthanna Metzgar and this is my husband Roy.”
He searched the M’s. “I’m not finding it. Would you spell it, please?”
She spelled her name slowly. But after searching the book, the maitre d’ looked up and said, “I’m sorry, but your name isn’t here.”
“There must be some mistake,” Ruthanna replied. “I’m the singer!” The man answered, “It doesn’t matter who you are or what you did. Without your name in the book you cannot attend the banquet.”
He motioned to
a waiter and said, “Show these people to the service elevator, please.” The Metzgars followed the waiter past beautifully decorated tables laden with… … shrimp, whole smoked salmon, and magnificent carved ice sculptures. Adjacent to the banquet area, an orchestra was preparing to perform, …the musician s all dressed in dazzling white tuxedos.
The waiter led Ruthanna and Roy to the service elevator… … ushered them in, and pressed G for the parking garage. After driving several miles in silence, Roy reached over put his hand on his wife’s arm. “Sweetheart, what happened?”
“When the invitation arrived, I was busy,” Ruthanna replied. “I never bothered to RSVP. Besides, I was the singer. Surely I could go to the reception without returning the RSVP!”
She started to weep – not only because she had missed… … the most lavish banquet she’d ever been invited to, but also because she suddenly had a small taste of what it will be like for people... … as they stand before Christ and find that their names are not written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.
In order to get into God’s banquet, very simple way to RSVP BELIEVE REPENT CONFESS BE BAPTIZED LIVE FOR JESUS There’s no substitute that will satisfy It doesn’t matter who you are… or what you’ve done.. or who you know. Don’t accept a substitute… make your decision to accept God’s best for your life. Sunday, February 15, 2009 TEXT: Revelation 2:8-11 TITLE: Til Death Do Us Part OPEN: Every year, 100s of Civil war buffs get together and put on mock battles. They’ve formed military regiments modeled after the armed forces of that by-gone era. They have artillery, cavalry, and foot soldiers… … who don uniforms that military of that day would have worn.
A couple of years ago, one such group was replaying the Battle of Hanover (a town not far from Gettysburg) The southern forces under General J.E.B. Stuart had attacked a Federal cavalry unit… … driving it back through the streets of Hanover… … but Union reinforcements arrived… … and Stuart driven back, and was nearly captured. Well, during the reenactment, it’s a hot sweltering day. The civil war buffs are sweating as they maneuvered into position for their battle. But one of the “Rebels” got so tired and hot… …he literally threw in the towel and headed for the refreshment tent. As he tugged off his wool uniform he was heard to grumble: “I quit. We’re not going to win anyway.”
And, of course – he was right! At best, the Battle of Hanover was a draw… but it contributed Confederate loss at Gettysburg.
So – here is this civil was buff – who knows HOW everything is going to turn out He’s tired, he’s hot, and he’s just plain discouraged… He KNOWS his side isn’t going to win anyway… so he quits.
APPLY: And you know - That’s why many people quit. They just know they’re going to lose (whatever struggle it is they’re facing) And they’ve give up hope. They’ve get discouraged. It’s not worth it to soldier on, and so they throw in the towel and walk away.
Here in Revelation 2, we read about a church at a city called Smyrna. This is first century congregation, and they’re fighting a losing battle. They’re a poor church… and they’re struggling to survive in a hostile community. They’ve endured slander, persecution… … and there is little doubt that some of them are going to be thrown into prison.
They’re frustrated… and they’re discouraged… And they’re on the edge of throwing in the towel.
AND THEN, into their midst comes Jesus… … and Jesus tells them things they need to hear
One of the things he tells them is: “Be faithful, even unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.” Revelation 2:10 Be faithful unto death… That’s not easy to do…. …Particularly when it doesn’t look like you’re ever going to win … particularly when it doesn’t seems like nothing you do will ever change anything AND to that person… going thru that kind of struggle… … Jesus say “Be faithful, even unto death, and I will reward you.”
This month’s sermon series – deals with marriage. The first one dealt with restoring your marriage’s “first love” … … and how critical it was that YOU decide that… … YOU were going to be the one to make that happen
Today’s sermon deals with the phrase you often hear in marriage ceremonies: “Til Death Do Us Part” or “Til we’re separated by death” That phrase - from your wedding vows - sounds an awful lot like … …Jesus’ declaration to the church at Smyrna – “Be faithful, even unto death”
So, why does that phrase (Til Death Do Us Part) show up in so many wedding vows? Well, for one thing = Jesus said: “at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Matthew 19:4-6
God doesn’t want marriages to fail God expects – that when people make a commitment to be married… …it’s going to be a lifelong commitment. This is such a serious issue for God, that in Malachi 2:16, God declares “I hate divorce”
So, why does God hate divorce? Because it messes up so many lives
ILLUS: According to one recent survey, children of divorced parents… … generally suffered adverse effects from the divorce. A significant percentage of children from divorced families felt
Elizabeth Marquardt Readers Digest June 06 p. 161-163
Other studies have found that · Within 5 years of the divorce more than a 1/3 of the children experienced moderate or severe depression. · At 10 years, a significant number appeared to be troubled, drifting, underachieving. · At 15 yrs many, now adults, struggled to establish strong love relationships of their own R.Digest 7/93 p.118ff, study by Judith Wallerstein, a clinical psychologist, and her staff interviewed middle-class children in San Francisco area
And what about the parents? Were they happier once they get their divorce… apparently not ILLUS: One research team studied the responses of over 5000 married adults… … who were first interviewed in the 1980’s. Five years later, the survey recontacted those people. Some had gotten divorced or separated during that time. What they found was that the divorce RARELY made anyone’s life happier.
Family News from James Dobson 9/02, commenting on a study done by The Institute for American Values
There are many who view marriage as a contract between two people. That’s why when they get divorces, they get someone to help them (hire lawyers)… … and take the matter to court like they would in a failed business venture. They assume that marriage is simply a piece of paper that signed by 2 people.
But God tells us that marriage is far more complicated than that. God said: “…a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” Matthew 19:5
One flesh? Hmmm. This is the image God wants to put into your mind… … once you got married you and your spouse became ONE flesh …you were literally joined at the hip (or more to the point - heart)
What happens when you remove a piece of flesh from you body??? Does it hurt? Of course it does.
ILLUS: Years ago, I was in the emergency room of a hospital. And in walked an older man who had a dazed look in his eyes. He held up a bloody hand and he calmly said “I think I’ve lost some fingers.” And sure enough – the three middle fingers of his hand were missing!
How could he hold his hand up so calmly? He was in shock… and it wasn’t going to be long before he would be in intense pain. Part of his flesh had been ripped away from him. And it wasn’t a pretty sight.
He didn’t had a contract with his fingers… … they were not removed by a lawyer/ or by a judge. It wasn’t a painless experience… because part of his body had been forcibly removed . Most of us expect our fingers to be w/ us til death do us part…. But he didn’t get that pleasure. He became divorced from part of his body by no desire on his part.
Now, I’ve said all that - to say this: God created marriage to be “til death do us part” It doesn’t work very well any other way.
But – the promise that we’ll stay married until death do us part… … doesn’t really mean anything until you have to act on it
As long as our marriages are smooth and our spouse pulls their weight and shows us love… … til death do us part is kind of gets taken for granted. But marriages can get difficult… … people don’t always treat each other like they should Husbands get mad at their wives = wives/ husbands They get into arguments – They say things they shouldn’t say They do things they shouldn’t do And eventually one – or both of them – decide to call it quits
But we’re ChristiansWe’ve made a vow that even when those times come = “Til Death Do Us Part” So - you and I should NEVER be the ones who call it quits.
Now, if you’ve gone thru a divorce… and maybe you blame yourself for it
When Marriages get difficult – Jesus says the same things to us that He said to Smyrna Jesus told the church at Smyrna: I know your afflictions (Revelation 2:9) I know about your difficulties I know about the bad things that have been said about you.
BUT remember that I am watching over you… …I care for you and I’ll help you thru it – if you’ll let me. Be faithful, even unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.
But why should I be faithful? I’m not going to win anyway! Nothing I’m doing seems to work!
Well – as I’ve pointed out in this sermon… You should be faithful to God in this matter, because the alternative isn’t really what you want Divorce hurts = you, your spouse, and your kids. It’s painful, because it’s not normal… it’s not the way God designed things to work. But there’s an even deeper truth here. You should be faithful to God in this, because you are a child of God. God has called you to be His servant In I Corinthians 7, Paul writes this: “…If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.” (I Corinthians 7:12-13)
Notice, you can’t force your spouse to stay married to you… they must be willing to stay w/you … but – as a believer - you’re not the one who should be breaking up the marriage. WHY?
Well, Paul explains himself in the next few verses: “For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband… How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” 1Corinthians 7:14, 16
In other words, in a troubled marriage – you become the missionary to your spouse. Because you are God’s child – you’re objective is to protect your spouse
What I found really intriguing about one of those studies I quoted to you earlier was this statement by Dr. Scott Stanley, "The conventional belief is that when a marriage is down, it is done… But what we are seeing with these data is that there are couples who are basically down, but the relationship bounces back."
In other words… the battle isn’t always lost … the marriage isn’t always beyond hope
Jesus is standing alongside you and saying… stand firm Be faithful even unto death. Show this world what a Godly man/ woman is willing to do for their savior.
And Jesus says: When you show yourself faithful to me, I will reward you. Sunday, February 1, 2009 TITLE: First Love TEXT: Revelation 2:1-7
OPEN: At the banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness – and a great many other qualities you wouldn't need to know if you'd stayed single
APPLY: God loves marriage He performed the first marriage in the garden between Adam and Eve In fact, the main reason God created Eve from the rib of Adam was because “it is not good that the man should be alone.” Genesis 2:18
And one of the reasons God didn’t want man to be alone was because marriage changes us. For one thing: It makes us live longer Repeated studies have found (as one study did) that compared to married people: Those who had been divorced or separated were 27 percent more likely to have shorter lives. Those who had never been married were 58 percent more likely to die than married folks. And the "penalty" for not getting married was greater for men than women. Rob Stein The Washington Post 8/20/06
Another study found that being married makes one better off financially. Back in 1985, researchers began a 15 year study of 9000 individuals And they found respondents who remained single had a slow but steady growth of wealth those who married and stayed married showed a sharp increase in wealth The author of the study Jay Zagorsy summed up his findings saying, “If you really want to increase your wealth, get married and stay married. On the other hand, divorce can devastate your wealth.” Reuters, Marriage Builds Wealth More Than Being Single?, January 20, 2006
In other words – marriage can make you healthy - And marriage can make you wealthy - BUT… can marriage make you wise???
Well – it can - if we do it God’s way. We can learn all kinds of things like loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness THINGS you wouldn’t have to learn if we were single.
Several years before John wrote the book of Revelation, … the Apostle Paul wrote a letter to the church at Ephesus (which we call Ephesians)… … and in that letter, Paul told the Christians at Ephesus about marriage
TURN WITH ME TO Ephesians 5:22-33 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery— but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
In other words: husbands love/protect wives just as Jesus loves/protects His church … and wives, respect/honor husbands just the church respect/honors Jesus In this statement, God is telling us how highly he regards marriage
In fact, God regards marriage so highly -that He compares a healthy marriage to a healthy church Husbands and wives should do the same things to have healthy marriage… … as you would if you wanted a healthy congregation.
??So now… what do you do when you have an unhealthy marriage?? How would you heal an unhealthy relationship between a husband and wife.
Well… apparently you’d do the same thing you’d do if you had an unhealthy church… And here in Revelation 2, Jesus is telling Ephesus that their relationship w/ Him... …had become unhealthy/ uncomfortable/ strained/ painful… … and something needed to be “fixed”
Jesus diagnoses the problem & gives them some “marriage counseling. He tells them: “You have forsaken your first love.” (That’s the problem) Revelation 2:4 “Repent and do the things you did at first…” Revelation 2:5
Repent means – turn around… go back Go back to the beginning and do what you did at the beginning - again. That will heal the strained relationship that had created this problem.
??So what did the Ephesians do back at the beginning?
In Acts 19 we’re told us how the church at Ephesus got started. On 2nd missionary journey, Paul paid a visit to Ephesus – & stayed there for over 2 yrs. It appears to have been a moderately successful church plant until just before Paul left. …and THEN, a Great Revival took place… AND as a result: “…the Jews and Greeks living
in Ephesus… were all seized with fear, and the name of the Lord Jesus was held in high honor.
Many of those who believed now came and openly confessed their evil deeds. Notice: the Ephesian church “held the name of Jesus in high honor.” (they loved Him) AND because of they loved
Jesus…. Another way of putting it would be to say: “they changed”
Their new relationship with Jesus changed them so much that they 1. …Thought differently 2. … Behaved differently 3. ... Threw out everything that would stand between them & Jesus And everybody around knew of this great love they had for Jesus. (pause) BUT about 40 years later… things have changed Their love for Jesus has grown stale and somewhat empty… Their relationship is on life support And unless they do something drastic they’re going to lose Jesus.
And so Jesus says: TURN AROUND… GO BACK… love me like you used to.
That’s the way to fix a broken church AND that’s the way to fix a broken marriage.
Go back and do the things you used to do when you first got married. · Remember how you were when you first got together · Every time you were with him/her… o You thought only of them o You were on your best behavior o If you knew a certain of clothing made you unattractive you got rid of it o If you knew a certain habit you had offended them… you got rid of it. And your total focus was on pleasing that person.
If someone asked you about the one you loved… you only said good things about them.
ILLUS: One counselor told of a couple who were on the verge of divorce. But they went to a marriage counselor that went to a counselor and began by telling everything that was wrong with the other partner. But every time they did that, the counselor kept turning the conversation so that the couple · had to mention the good things between them; · the qualities they had first admired in each other, · the deeper pleasures they had shared, · the goals they had mutually tried to reach. And the counselor later said “You could almost see the antagonisms gradually draining away." After a few more meetings with him, the couple agreed to give their marriage a second chance. Christian Herald - Norman M. Lobsenz, 1973
The counselor made them go back and do the things they’d done at first… and it worked. GREAT!!! --- (Someone might say) If only I could get my spouse to do that… everything would be just fine. If only my husband would love me the way he did back then If only my wife treated me the way the way she did at the beginning. We wouldn’t be in this mess!!!
Remember what I said at the beginning of this sermon Marriage can make you healthy/ wealthy But it can ONLY make you wise … if we do marriage God’s way.
God never said “Husbands
love your wives IF they deserve it.”
You cannot fix a marriage by saying IF ONLY THEY WOULD DO (thus and such) You fix a marriage by deciding YOU will do what needs to do whatever needs to be done.
Because – sometimes – even if you do it for the wrong reasons… it still works.
ILLUS: Newspaper columnist and minister George Crane tells of a wife who came into his office full of hatred toward her husband. "I not only want to get rid of him, I want to get even. Before I divorce him, I want to hurt him as much as he has me." Dr. Crane suggested an ingenious plan. "Go home and act as if you really loved your husband. Tell him how much he means to you. Praise him for every decent trait. Go out of your way to be as kind and considerate and generous as possible. Spare no efforts to please him, to enjoy him. After you've convinced him of your undying love & that you cannot live w/o him, …then drop the bomb. Tell him that you're getting a divorce. That will really hurt him." With revenge in her eyes, she smiled & exclaimed, "Beautiful, beautiful. Will he ever be surprised!" And she did it with enthusiasm. For two months she acted "as if," she loved him She was full of kindness, listening, giving, reinforcing, sharing. Two months went by… and she didn’t return to her counselor… So Crane called her. "Are you ready now to go through with the divorce?" "Divorce?" she exclaimed. "Never! I discovered I really do love him."
Without realizing it… in obeying God… her marriage healed. She didn’t realize she’d “repented” and done the things she’d done at first…. But when she did she fell in love with her husband all over again.
But someone might say: I can’t do that… that’s hypocritical. I don’t feel love… so how can I show it? ILLUS: In his book, “The Christian Counselors Manual” Jay Adams tells about a man who came to him and said, “I know you hate to hear this preacher but my wife and I don’t love each other and we are going to get a divorce.
The preacher said, “I do hate to hear that you don’t love each other, you need to repent of that and start loving each other because the Bible commands, Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church… … and you are a Christian so you have to obey the Lord’s commands. And the man said, “Well, I just don’t feel anything toward her any more.”
The preacher said, “Okay, lets go down to a lower level then. The Bible commands love your neighbor as your self. She’s your closest neighbor. So you have to love her regardless of how you feel about her. That’s irrelevant.”
The man said, “I’m going to have to be honest with you preacher, I despise her. She despises me. We can’t stand the ground that we are walking on and we just cannot get along.”
“Oh!” The preacher said, “You are going to have to go down to a lower lever then. The Bible also says to love your enemies as yourselves. You have no option. You are commanded to love.”
He said, “How in the world can I do that when I don’t feel anything.
“You are going to have to understand that feelings are irrelevant. That’s the Hollywood concept of love. That is the romantic concept of love. A Christian’s love is Agape love. Doing the right thing regardless of feeling. So make a list of the ten things that you would do if you were madly in love with her … and go and do them anyway.” One counselor said, ‘If you act the way you wish you felt, eventually you will feel the way you act.’ So go do them regardless of feeling.”
The man said, “I couldn’t do that, that would be hypocritical.” And the preacher said, “No that is not hypocrisy. That is obedience.” Hypocrisy is not acting contrary to the way you feel. Hypocrisy is acting contrary to the way you believe.8:20 am est |
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